| Looking for Friends!... |
[Aug. 6th, 2006|09:36 pm] |
Looking for some people to hang out with, play some ps2, xbox and even cruise around with me. Guys or girls it doesn't matter.
Most of my friends are moving away, or getting married.. |
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| Today |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|05:03 pm] |
Well, I feel better than i did yesterday and last night. I got up today around 11am, but went back to bed and got up at 3pm feeling better. Damn i need some sleeping pills. No, i actually have them, just don't like taking them. Why you might ask? I can't really swallow pills because of my extremely thin throat. (have to watch what i eat too) So, I mainly have to chew up pills. (Yuck I know)
Anyways, its boring so far. My mum has just arrived from being out of state while my sister had back surgery. I'm not doing much but listening to some Kittie songs that i downloaded last night, and checking email.
I'm thinking about calling my friend Rod, but then in knowing him, he'll probably want me to go over and drive him around all night in the limousine, which sometimes isn't too bad, but after doing it all the time while he cheats on his girl friend of two years, it starts to get bad. I don't even know why he does that too her.
But yeah!! |
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| Cancer, and a Heart Attack in the family... |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|12:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Around | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Black hole sun by Sound Garden | ] |
Well, about a three weeks or so ago i found out that my uncle that lives in Cali. has a strong amount of cancer in him. He has it in both of his lungs, stomache, colon, and around his bladder. His doctor told him theres not really anything they can do for him. So they have him on pain pills every four hours, and morphyn every two hours.
I can't even imagine how this can be since everything has been going good over the past year that i saw him, and he had doctor check ups, and they never said anything to him. Can that much cancer just come apon somebody so quickly??
Back in 2003 his 12 year old daughter, my cousin died, and two days later we (my family and I) buried her on my birthday, which really sucked. She died of Brain Cancer. He does have a son who is 14 i believe now, and didn't take his sisters death to well, and in that being said doesn't even know about his dad dying. He can't stand his momma, but if his dad dies, i guess he doesn't have a choice.
Right after i found out about my uncle, my older sister called me from up state, saying my grandmal had an heart attack. Since she does live alone, and suffer from depression, I could only think in knowing that she was sitting in her house thinking that her grand children have died, and her son is dying before her, in which just makes everything worse..
She's doing alright now, but since she's had that attack other family members haved called and said she's staying with one of my aunts cause she doesn't want to stay alone, which is fine, but what isn't, she's being mean to everybody now. That doesn't sound like the grandmal i know. I wonder what changed her?... |
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| Tell me what you think!.. (prepare to read alot) |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|12:16 am] |
Push me again, I swear its going to be your fucking end. Ahh shit its just the mood i'm in. Today i've been lazy as hell. Then trying to check my email accounts, and post stuff for people, my fucking computer freezes the fuck up pissing me off even fucking more.
God damn i hate the piece of shit sometimes. So anyways i run a virus check and of course there were 19 virus, but i cleared them out... but still in the haterid mood. So instead of listening to postive music or break beats or something in that gene, i'm listening to slipknot, mud vayne, korn, drownding pool, shit like that. Shit that helps set the mood even more deeper than it should be.
For some reason for the past 3 days now, i've been wanting my old drug that i was addicted to for like 4 years, which is speed, ice, red fosferis and lithium. Any of those would be nice right now, but doing them alone would suck ass, and that i'm clean now would destroy everything i've worked hard on not doing. Ya know?
I don't know though, I tend to keep my feelings inside of me for long ass periods of time, in which sometimes i boil over on somebody that wasn't meant to be. One of these days i'm suspecting soon i'm going to toppel over like Mount St. Hellens or something.
I'm think i'm truely going crazy and just don't really realize it. I mean most people when they are watching a movie or tv and somebody gets hurt and the ems truck is called are like oh my god or gasp. Me when watching something like that one tv or see it on the streets and hear those sirens, I tend to laugh and get giggy. I dunno something about hearing the sirens just makes me laugh. Sometimes i tend to fall out of realility, sometimes thinking whats real and whats not. Road rage is something i tend to get into alot, no matter who it is, or how many people are invovled. I tend to speak my mind not thinking before speaking. I've got my mouth to shoot off, and i have no problem at all with gutting a bitch ass punk messing with me while driving down the road, nor do i have a problem with busting a knee cap or hitting the over the head with a baseball bat or pool cue. I keep one of each in my car. All i've got to say to the person involved in my road raging act is; if you have a gun and you don't kill me, all i've got to say is you better find a good damn hiding spot cause i'll be looking to kill your bitch ass.
Ya know most of the times that i see a movie, i'm like "why can't that happen to me, or why can't i be like that" Kinda like the movie Donnie Darko. I want to time travel or have a plane engine land on my fucking face.
Most of what i say is all talk, or at least some part of me is saying that. I do suffer from depression, bi-polar, paranoid and social panic attacks. I fear alot of weak things in my life, but i'm not affraid to die. In fact i play and challenge Death him fucking self all the time while driving over a hunderd miles per hour down the hwy's or whatever.
Actually whenever i do get pissed off or depressed I usually tend to go out driving around, and driving really fast while doing it. It just sooths my maddness or should i say my soul.
All i can honestly say is, i'm at war with myself, and love everybody around me, but don't really feel the love coming back at me, which leads me feeling lonely!... |
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| Feelings |
[Aug. 3rd, 2006|08:53 pm] |
My good friends i don't see anymore, my best freind is in the state rehab for another year, and i feel lonesome out here. God damn i'm bored as hell right now.
Used to go driving around for fun, listening to music, but now... shit!
Emily help me.... |
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| The Hey!!! |
[Aug. 3rd, 2006|08:46 pm] |
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yeah i say hey alot, but at this time i don't know what to say, but Hey! |
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